Like a Gopher...Dig! Dig! Dig!

Blog No More

2006-10-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that blogging is not in me any longer. Perhaps again some day down the road, but truthfully, now it seems to tug at me like an ill mannered, rambunctious puppy and less as a passion for me. I simply don't have the time nor the inclination it takes.

I would like to say a few words however, to those of you who have given me so much over the past two years. I know that it is hard to be distant, never to have met, and still imagine or think of someone as a friend, but this is certainly the case for me. I count all of you as friend. I don't know what it would of been like if it weren't for you and the support, the encouragement, even the love. It's certainly been a difficult year for me personally, but nothing compared to many of you. For all of you, I wish only the best. Please feel free to keep in contact via email. My box is always open. In addition, I will still be on Flickr, posting, commenting even visiting from time to time. If you ever wanna see what's happening, you can most certainly see over there.

It is something that I fear, losing touch with some of you. There is always that. I hope you will come to Flickr from time to time to check in. I guess that's all there is to it then. Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Early Morning Blogging

2006-10-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I learned that my grandfather (my Dad's Dad) was in the hospital. I found this out because I called home last night to check in with my parents. You know, say hi, how are you? What are your plans for the holidays? Standard stuff, right?

Okay, let me take a different tack here. My parents and I are close, but not the kind of close that has me or them calling every week. I don't know why this is, it just is. It does not diminish the bond or the feelings that I have for them, I love them with my whole being. Circumstance has made me distant most of my life and I think that is why we just leave it alone. We don't try to change the pattern.

So I call home to check in, make sure all is well. I assume that since I have not heard from them (in almost a month) that this is the case. Wouldn't you? I'm talking to them, getting the skinny on what they are up to, filling them in on what I'm doing and I ask them what they are doing for the holidays. I get silence. Only for a moment, but enough for my flag to go up. Mom starts to tell me that she's not sure, we don't have a plan. This is where they inform me of the current situation with grandad being in the hospital. I assumed that this was a new situation, but Mom informs me that this is not the case.

Here's the thing, grandad has been in the hospital for almost 20 days. I know this because Dad told me that Medicare will only cover 20 days of hospital stay and then he has to find alternative care after that such as a nursing home, assited living or, move in with my dad and mom. This week he has to make a decision about one of these options. His 20 days are about up. 20 days people!!!

Back story:
My grandfather and I have not spoken in over 12 years. We had a big blow out way back when. Part of it is because I'm gay, the other part is mostly because I'm gay. Alright, so the other part is that I won't play by his rules. He is very malicious about things and feels that we (his son, his daughter and his grandkids) owe him for our exisitence. I know, typical right? He makes my Dad's life hell and this is hard for me and my Mom. A long time ago I needed his help and for the first time in my life, I asked him for something. He agreed to help and then changed his mind after I left and said no. Instead of letting it go, I went back to find out why. No one confronts him, but I did. The things he said to me that day hurt me more than I thought possible, but I stood nose to nose with him literally and gave it right back. I walked out of his house and he swept the doorway as I left. This to me was his way of saying you are no longer allowed in my house. I have never spoken to him since that day.
End Backstory:

So the reason they don't have a plan is because they don't know if grandad is going to live with them or not. If he lives with them, they are worried that I won't come around while he's there. Mom is more upset about it than Dad I think and not just because of the fear of me not coming down.

So all the while they are giving me the low down, I'm still thinking to myself, how do you not call me and tell me that he's in the hospital, that he's been in the hospital for over 2 weeks? I know that we aren't close, but he's still my grandfather. Were you going to just wait to see if he died and then call me?

I woke up thinking about this, wondering what I have done. I can't help but think that the reason that they don't tell me these things is because they think I don't care. I know that it's not just me, but I also know that if I want things to be different, I have to make it happen. I deliberatly go with out calling them just to see how long they will wait to call me. Messed up right? It's true though. I have to decide how to go forward with this, but things need to change. I need to change. I'm coming up short on all charges lately. Did I tell you that I missed two family weddings this last year? Ya, it's true. One of them was this last weekend. I totally suck.

Less Blogging, More Blurbing

2006-10-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

That's what I've been doing a lot of lately, less blogging and more blurbing, and not here, but on Flickr. It's just as random and nonsensicle as it is here so, stop by I guess if you feel inclined. :o) Feel free to leave a comment there if you want, or here.

I do have some posts to write to be sure, but right now I'm cramming for an exam, trying to accomplish the imposible with my job right now and working on putting the house back together.

Future posts include (more for me than for you, so I won't forget my ideas):
My Life with Harlow
Operation Take Back the Backyard (from the dogs that is)
Gopher Update

On the Phone at Work

2006-10-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

Me: This is the nursery, how can I help?
Caller: Oh yes, hello, I was wondering if you have any Penis niggra.
Me: I'm sorry, what was that again?
Caller: Yes, sorry, I was wondering if you have any Penis niggra in stock and if so what sizes?
Me: I'm sorry, but do you mean Black Pine?
Caller: Yes, yes, that's what I'm looking for...Japanese Black Penis.
Me: Well, we do have a nice selection and various sizes available of Pinus nigra (Pynus nygra).
covers phone to laugh.
Caller: Oh wonderful, I'll be right in.

OY!!! That's right up there with the Chlamydia request last year.

My Bitches!!!

2006-09-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

Just real quick...

2006-09-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

We got new silverware this last weekend. It's all matching people. ALL. MATCCHINGG!!!
I never thought I would see the day that this would happen. Mostly because I thought we would never find something everyday that we both could live with. Of all the places that we could find something, it had to be COSTCO. WTF!?!? Anywho, isn't it shiney? So nice.

Old Patterns

2006-09-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

How quickly I fall back into old habits, like not posting. It's not my intentions. I was re-reading some of my old stuff on H & the B's, and I can see a total difference in there and here, especially the early stuff. My voice, for lack of a better word, was so different. I was reflecting on that last night as I lay in bed trying to decide what to write about this morning. In the seconds before unconciousness, I realized that the problem or the conditions that are so different now, is time.

When I was a blogger in the beginning, I had an abundant amount of time, inordinant amounts people. At least 8hrs a day. In that time I could read other blogs, find inspiration for my own work. I think that's the missing ingrediant for my sense of gratification in writing. I don't have that kind of time to sit and think through my feelings about anything. I basically get up around 7am, sit down and start plunking and posting in time to be in the shower by 8:30 and out the door by 9am. I'm perpetually late to work because it takes me all that time to really get my thoughts out. It's 8am now...One whole hour to get to here. Okay, so maybe I didn't sit here that long, but I have to wake up, feed the bitches and kiss the mister goodbye before I ever get to sit down. The point is, I'm compressing my time here versus what I used to have to get it out.

Speaking of time...I'm going to have to go now. I'll be back later tonight to finish up, I hope.

Busy! Busy! Busy Gopher!

2006-09-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent the entire day on a mini road trip across the Puget Sound. I took my first ferry trip to Kingston and then drove south to Port Orchard. Next, I headed back up north and then west to the Peninsula for a stop in Sequim. I was on a shopping trip of sorts, more of a go and see your stuff trip. I've been buying statuary, fountains and benches for the nursery since summer. It's been a fun new aspect of my job. I have had these two granite importers trying to sell stuff, but their catalogs are not good at getting a feel for what it really looks like. Now that the busy season is over, I have a little more time and flexibility to go and look at new suppliers.

It seems like it was not that long ago that I was writing about the Christmas decorating that took place last year, and already it is that time again. I will begin the planning and execution of Christmas at the nursery this week. Open house for Christmas will be on November 4th, our official kickoff for the holiday season. In addition, I'm studying for my Certified Professional Horticulturist rating, my test is on the 24th of October. My last class on plant identification is tomorrow morning.

On top of all this, I/we are still working on repairing/remodeling the bedroom and bathroom. The end is not insight yet, but the bedroom is getting closer. I can only hope that we will be back in there before the end of the month. Please, oh please, let it be true.

As you can see, I had some fun taking pictures yesterday on the trip. Some of them are so, so to me, but then others that I thought were going to be cool, turned out to be not so much. It's a crap shoot, literally for me. I need to find a way to understand/learn technical shooting so that I'm much better at my knowing what is and isn't ideal conditions. Some of that is coming to me through trial and error, but so much of it is what looks cool to my eyes, doesn't come through my lens. I think that it would, if I could figure out settings appropriate for different shots.

While I was walking around the ferry on the first trip, it was still cloudy and overcast, but it was still quite a vista of the sound. As I was getting out of my car to walk up to the decks, the mini-van behind me unloaded about 7 little boys from 5-9 years of age and 3 moms. Initially I was like oh crap, this should prove interesting. Little did I know that they would provide me with my favorite moments from the day. This little guy was so full of fun. He just loved the wind. There are more of them on my flickr sight as well.

I better get busy, time to shit, shower and shave as my dad always used to say. But before I go, have a great weekend everyone.

Progress...maybe.

2006-09-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

Comments from yesterdays post have made me realize an important thing about my relationship. I don't...won't, can't you decide...trust him to take care of my emotional being. I know that this is a huge red flag on the field, I really do and I'm cautious about it. I see it for what it is, potential for disaster. I also know him. I know that inside of him is this desire to be that person for me, but he has never learned how to be that person. I guess I need to decide if I'm that person, the one to teach him. He's trying though, I feel it. I need to let down my gaurd though, or else he's going to retreat.

Thank you. I feel like it's working now, being here and talking. Your feed back and support are so incredibly important to me.

Some days just take longer to start...

2006-09-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

I've had a bit of a slow start today. Not to worry, I didn't just get up. I just had a slow ramp up, which in and of itself is not a bad thing really. I did get out this morning and take photo's in the rain. Love water droplet pictures, just wish I knew what I was doing. Trial and error are my token words for the day.

Yesterday we finished the drywall installation in the bedroom and I started mudding and taping. It's going to take a few applications to get out all the imperfections in our wall construction. It just feels good to have walls back in place peeerrrriod! Meanwhile, I ran out of mud, so the saga continues.

Like I said, slow start to the day, but all and all not a bad one. I had an appointment with the massage therapist today, she really worked me over. With all that has happened in the last week, my body is really paying for it. I'm one of those people that stores there stress and anger in their shoulders. Needless to say, my left shoulder has been very painfull for days. It's a real problem area for me and one of the reasons I started going in the first place. I had finally gotten it worked out recently, no more soreness or pain and then the big blow up had to happen. The tightness moved right back in.

Through out all of this 'stuff', from the fight to the make-up I haven't cried one bit. This is odd to me because I'm such a wanny babie (no really, it's true), not one tear, that is until today, when she started working on my jaw and neck area. The tension in there was massive. Unlocking that somehow seem to unlock my tears. Normally we talk through out the session, but today I couldn't say a word. All I could do was lay there and surrender to her hands and let them find the hurt and let the tears roll away.

My Bitches!

2006-09-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

It's hard not to love these two. I try to be less in love them, but it only causes me to love them more. I don't know what I would do without them. Lucy has become such a beautiful dog, and she's still only 8 months old. She's about as kooky as she can get. Of course, Harlow continues to be the really good one, and is certainly Daddy's girl. There are times though where I wonder just how much trouble she starts without my realizing it. Just look at that face though, she is innocent I'm sure of it.

Last night I started a course at the technical college to get my Certified Professional Horticulturist certification. Mostly it's plant identification, genus and species with plant characteristics. There will be three sections though, identification, basic horticulture and landscape design. It's mostly a review of what's on the test. In the end it will give me more credibility when I do plant speak with customers and should I ever want to continue on, it's just one of many 'things' to add to my resume'.

This weekend has me attending class on Saturday, tromping around the arboretum identifying plants and trees while the mister and a friend attempt to put the bathroom back together. Sunday will have me resuming my bedroom reassembly, because quite honestly, I'm tired of sleeping in the dining room. Have a great weekend everyone.

SPD Thursday

2006-09-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

Filtering, sifting, processing, macerating in thoughts and feelings.

WTF?

2006-09-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

I got this from Amanda B. this morning. I think it's a little messed up don't you?

Peace

2006-09-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

I think that calm has returned to my home. I'm truly exhausted by the events of the last couple of days. In retrospect, I believe that these events were needed. I don't know what the future holds for us, hopefully we will turn the corner and find a better way to go. I love him. All I have ever wanted is for us to be happy, but some how we lost our way.

I feel that we have a chance to make things better, but we have to really try hard to make it so. Hopefully it will make us both better people.

Pain, Heartbreak, Healing...I hope.

2006-09-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday brought all the tension and pain; the confusion and the questions were answered. I'm still reeling from it and the outcomes. I broke up with Nick last night, but we are still together this morning.

I don't know how this is going to end yet, our lives are still so interconnected and the fact that we DO love each other as much as we do is what holds it all together. I reached my limit last night however and erupted with violent anger. No one was physically harmed, I stormed out of the house after throwing a laundry basket full of clothing from the dining room to the front door. In the five years of our life together, I have never been pushed to this point. My throat hurts from the yelling I did.

I'm ashamed of my behavior, I hate that part of myself. I've been so pushed down and lost for so long though, I had to fight for my life back. Last night I took it back, I made it clear that things would be different or they would stop. I have coddled, cajoled and even pleaded for him to tell me what is wrong, how can I make our lives better. It took an email to find out, but when I found out why, I couldn't believe the reason. It was too easy. Why would he keep that from me for over 2 years, if it was something that simple. I questioned it, even him. Still that was the answer. I lost it then. I was on a slow boil the whole day, just waiting for him to get home.

Love should never rob you of your life, your identity. Love should always imbue you with life, enhance your identity even transform it. Our love has gone from enhancement to life stealing. Somewhere along the way we lost ourselves, who we are apart as well as who we are together.

Today our lives start over.

Burlesque, Boys and Tassel Twirling Ta-tas

2006-09-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

Friday after work found us and some friends down in Columbia City, an old area south of Seattle with some great atmosphere. In a lot of ways, it reminded me of my old neighborhood in north east Portland. People were out walking, dining outside, lights were on everywhere and music was spilling out of doorways and windows.

Our objective was a small theater that we had been told about that was featuring burlesque shows every week. My friend L. had taken her husband P. and friends there and came back with tales of tassel twirling titties and ga-ga eyed husbands. She said we had to go. So we did. WOW!!! What a total hoot that was. There was something there for everyone, even boy go-go dancers. (Wait, are go-go dancers always boys?) No matter, hot little bodies in tighties of all colors. They had on a different pair after each set. Swear!

Oh ya, and there were strip tease acts in between the go-go dancers too. Very Pin-Up styled and curvy gals, really very beautiful all of them. Amazing Grace was my favorite hands down. That girl was total energy and she knew how to work them tassels and how. Tammara the Trapeze artist was enthusiastic, but the gal that worked the Silks, she totally was freakin' amazing. When she did that whole tumble down the fabric thing from the top, it totally made me gasp. I know, I know, titties, but these gals are pure artistic performers, it was total entertainment.

So if you are ever in need of entertainment in the Seattle area and want to switch it up a little, try visiting the burlesque show at the Columbia City Theater, but better call ahead and reserve a table, they are really becoming quite popular you know.

Friday for most of you

2006-09-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

But it's still only my Thursday. I know some of you are probably expecting a posting of the girls ala "****** Friday", but I have to change that as well. I don't want anyone to Google that and find me. I'll come up with a new identity for that as well, but I'm running late...again.

I have to say thank you again for the support that I have here. I know that I have not been a faithful bloggy on my part, but I'm trying. I really am. Thank you for the patience.

Happy Friday to you!

SPD Thursday's

2006-09-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

Where I Met HIV

2006-09-06T06:17:00.000-07:00

I have to say that just in the last few days that I feel like a dam has been removed from my path. I have felt cut off for so long on here that I thought that I was losing even more of myself. What I was feeling was overly exposed to certain people that I'm not willing to talk about things with for reasons of my own.

I think it's hard to have your family and friends privy to too much information about what you think and feel. That's not to say that they can't stumble into here, I know that's still a possibility, but I know them and I know that they are not that adventurous. I have not told the Mister about this new site either and I know that has it's own repercussions. In my time I will open that avenue. I know that it's something I shouldn't keep entirely from him.

I think the first time that I had to deal with HIV as a reality was when I was in college. I had come down with a persistent fever that left me completely out of it for weeks. My doctor at the time was stumped. Every day I would run a low grade temperature, but then go up to 101 or so by 3 or 4pm each day. All I could do was sleep. At this time I was still in the closet, deep inside behind lots and lots of boxes. REALLY IN THE CLOSET!!! Okay so I think you get that now. I wasn't talking about anything remotely associated with being gay, but my doctor finally brought it up, and I caved. At this point my Dad and Mom were aware that I was not well. I was living with my cousin and she was worried too. A spinal tap had been arranged and I would need someone to take me home after. Mom insisted on being there (thankfully) and made sure I made it home. What she didn't know was that just prior to that my doc had arranged for blood work to be done too. She said I needed to tell my boyfriend what was up and that he should do the same.

I got home after the procedure, feeling wiped out, raging headache (side effect of the tap and fluid removal), I don't remember much but Mom kissing me good bye. At some point the fever broke, I woke up and the entire couch, me, my clothes and the pillow were soaked. I didn't know that you could sweat that much, but I did. All the tests came back negative for HIV and inconclusive for the tap. For several years after my doctor would comment on that time, dumb founded by what it was that caused that.

I only wish that things for my boyfriend at the time had been so good. As a result of that event, he discovered that he was HIV positive. It was tragic to say the least. Drugs were just being used at that time to suppress it, and fortunately, it worked on him. We didn't last much longer past that. There were other reasons other than health that we didn't last. I was still too new and closeted to be in that situation. It was a difficult time for me personally. He is still doing well and has someone in his life.

Since then I have been tested regularly do to the exposure I had experienced from that time. They say that it can take up to ten years for it to manifest. It usually doesn't take that long though. It is something that I live with everyday, the knowledge that it could come and get me. By some strange fate, I have not acquired this insidious beast. I have been spared, but not those that I have loved and love. I am a witness to their struggle.

I would give anything I could, if I thought that it would remove it from him. I would give anything to have him feel whole, clean. It's so hard sometimes to think about what the future holds. I know that nothing is finite or sure. Our doctor tells us that we have a full and healthy life ahead of us. Meds have been our best friend.

It's not a death sentence anymore. At least not if you live in the U.S., the same can not be said for others in less fortunate situations. I am still a strong supporter for One.org and I encourage you to do the same. I'm tired. I'm going to go now. Thank you for being here.

Doh!

2006-09-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so apparently I selected 'Moderate Comments' in settings, thus requiring me to go into Dashboard to accept them. Something I did not know about. So, sadly I've been thinking that no one is commenting, equalling no love, you suck, blah, blah, blah!!!

But you DO love me and I don't really suck, well sometimes, but not that often. Anywho, I pulled the plug on the moderator and things should operate much better now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the love and the comments.

Hostile Work Place

2006-09-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

Is there someone in your workplace that resents you? Deliberately avoids talking to you? Goes out of their way to avoid running into you? Walks up to other co-workers on the day that you call in sick just to say "today's gonna be a great day" just because you won't be there to ruin it? No? Hmmmm...Did I tell you that I have a co-worker that does that to me? It's true, I do. I find it incredibly exhausting most days. Fortunately our schedules work out that we only have 2 days on together and they are my Monday and Friday. I start my week out with them and end it that way.

Now I know what you must be thinking, who could, how could, it's just not possible, but it's so totally true. Swear! This person has been with the company for some time now, at least 5 years. They are a bit off on some days, older, bitter and a bit set in their ways. Who isn't in some ways? When I came back to the company, it kinda happened cloak and dagger style. No one knew I was coming back full time or what I would be doing. One day I just showed up on the schedule and I was off and running.

I think this is where part of the problem started, this resentment. I kinda swooped in and started doing stuff, like merchandising, displays and rearranging things. From the start I had no direction, nor were my constituents given any indication where I was fitting into the situation. One person ended up losing their position because of me, however, they were already slated, I just happened to come along at the right time to take their place. None the less, the appearance of things sorta looked funny. No meetings, no 'this is why he's back and what he's going to be doing' kinda thing. In retrospect, I get where that may have helped my situation a little.

Well, today is my Monday and I'm off to prepare myself mentally to face this person, or avoid. But as I said, they do most of the avoiding for me. Some days it really doesn't bother me too much. I just consider the source, but some days I just want to walk up to them and say, "Knock the Fuck OFF with this shit, I'm sick of it!" I know that I can't do that, but I feel like it some days.

As I said, I find it exhausting to deal with, but I can't imagine the energy it must take to maintain that kind of animosity all day long. I must be driving them fucking insane by the time 5pm rolls around, because honestly, the only thing that I have to do is show up and do my job. If that's not some kind of solace, I don't know what is.

Missing Person Alert

2006-09-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

Starting over is like having a new perspective on what I can talk about here and that's something that's been lacking a great deal from my previous place. One of the many reasons for the previous place was to unlock and dig into some of the many thoughts that ramble through my brain as to who I am, what I am and who I want to be. Something that happened in the last year or so, is that loss of self. Somewhere along the way I lost me. I thought about putting up missing person posters, but I realized no one else would probably know the real me either.

It all started a little over two years ago...

I moved for love. Sold my house, quit my job, left my friends and family so that I could be with the man I loved. It wasn't my intention really, I had other ideas, but it became altogether clear that he wasn't going to be able to make that change and I thought I needed to. In retrospect, I think I made a good choice, most of the time. I was in a rut and needed to shake things up, but I hadn't planned on starting over with my life, something I have done more than once at this point. Maybe I thought I was being romantic about the whole thing, or maybe I was just desperate for love.

No matter, I'm here now. And I wasn't going into anything blind, I had a full picture of what I was up against. There were no surprises waiting for me, not really. Our relationship had come to a point where someone needed to shit or get off the pot. I know we were both afraid to do something, and like so many other times, I took the lead and made the decision for us.

A little something to aid you in my story, a back story if you will on our situation. Prior to our moving in together we had a really great sex life. (I know, I know, ew! Deal with it and I'll spare you the details of anatomical imagery.) About a year before the big move that physical aspect had stopped. This new aspect of our relationship was very one sided and a bit of a disrupter. In that time prior, we had learned about HIV infection in one of us, a real downer for sure right? We also lost his mother to a horrific death, one that has left an indelible mark on both of us for life. But that HIV thing...it's not going to go away, instead it sits like a 300lb gorilla on our relationship, big, ominous and menacing. Ya, it's scary shit, but you don't bail on love over something like that, you appreciate what you have even more, because you've just had a lesson in life, and how fleeting it really is. Losing his mother like that, where it was just like snapping your fingers and she was gone, that kind of stuff can really pull your focus in. We needed each other more.

I really thought that things would improve for us, and they did in some areas. But the issue that kept our bed stain free, continues to do so 2 years later. I thought at first that it was the gorilla, and I knew that it would take time to come to terms with our new reality. But after long discussions with the doctor and a successful response to the drugs, I knew that it was more than that. The problem is, I still don't know what IT is. After several talks, angry words and me waiting for a resolution, things still have not changed in that arena.

I think that being patient and tolerant was the right thing to do here, but because I was uncertain as to what was going to happen to us, I put myself in a holding pattern personally. I put my whole focus on taking care of us, him, our needs and stopped taking care of me. I was worried that things were going to fall apart and I did not want to become to vested in my new life outside of our relationship. I shielded myself from hurt by not allowing myself to have a life here. I know, it sounds a little off, but given the pain of leaving my life and my friends, it was pretty typical behavior for me, make a retreat and build a wall.

I'm far from some saintly martyr here, I'm guilty of bad behavior too. But what I failed to do was to live each day, rather than waiting to see what the next day would or wouldn't bring. My world shrunk to my house, my dogs and my garden. It didn't happen all at once, its been a systematic loss of self, but a loss of self none the less. Several months ago, my best friend asked me what I wanted and I couldn't answer the question. I didn't know. She said if you can't answer that question, you should be worried.

That scared me and caused me to fall into a massive depression. I thought that it was over for me. I drove all the way home thinking that I was going to leave him, because, what was there anyway? I had all the trappings of a great relationship here, but what was missing was intimacy. How do you have a relationship without physical and emotional intimacy? Well, you do, you just do. You still love each other, you still support each other, you continue on. You give them subtle and sometimes not so subtle reminders that things are still in working order and that should they feel so inclined to climb aboard for the ride, the option is still there.

One thing that I realized most of all, I needed to get me back. If we are to be healthy and happy, I need to be healthy and happy. I'm on a quest to find me. I can't do it on my own. I need help.

Starting Over

2006-09-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

I've been toying with the idea of breaking away from my previous blog for reasons like autonomy, freedom and no family. I'm yearning to blog naked, something I haven't done in a long time. If this falls flat on it's face, so be it, but I need to try, again.